What am I afraid of.

I am reading a book called Miracles Now by Gabrielle Bernstein.
Its 108 "supposedly" life changing tools for less stress and a happier life.

Today its about fear and facing fears. It asked me.." what is your biggest fear".

That made me have to seriously sit and think.

Cause what I THINK my biggest fear is...really might not be my biggest one.

I always thought my biggest fear was dying before my children were grown.

Now....I'm not so sure.

I think my biggest fear is being left.

When a door shuts to a relationship, it truly creates a desperate me. I mean, I can't let go of it.

I'm not talking about a relationship like marriage because I've been with the same person for 30 years now. But I've had friendship end and it was over something I had no control over. Heck, I even sought people out trying to apologize even when I didn't do anything wrong.

I still do that and its soooo annoying!

Part of me says that maybe God is shutting that door for me.

Part of me says that I need to seek and love them like God would love them.

I've lost so many people in my life and I need to give it to God and let go and TAKE my happiness back. When I let people's choices control my emotions and my life, I give way too much control over to them. They don't deserve to take my happiness away from me.

WOW...

I just imagined something.

I just imagined each person that walked out of my life...

I saw them taking a piece of my joy and happiness away with them.

It was wrapped up in pretty ribbons and the person(s) were so happy to have that gift.

Here I was left with pieces of my heart and soul missing.

What a terrible picture!

The truth about that is....I GAVE them this gift. They didn't take it. Happiness is MINE. When I allow people to take it away from me, thats my own fault.

No more...

I'm taking my happy back.

Starting now.

My words either lift or tear down

Today I choose words to lift myself and others up.

Yes, its a choice.

Do we sometimes just say things and wish we hadn't?

We all do it sometimes.

But that's not because we can't help what we say. We all have self control but some of us need to practice it more in able to get good at it.

Self control is a bit like a sport. It takes practice and practice and MORE practice to get good at it.

Today, try to be  mindful of the things you say.

Not just to others...but what your " self talk" is. Self talk is the little whispers sometimes that creeps into your brain. If its ANY way negative...change it to be something positive. Your brain is like a computer. It CAN be programmed to think great things. But it takes self control to recognize what you are saying and thinking first.

Today...make a choice to be positive.

If you are in a bad situation that you don't have control over...then do SOMETHING, to work towards making it better.

Later!!

Incoming Vent!

This may be for everyone....this might be for no one.

But today...this is for ME.

People make me mad!!!

And today, since this is MY blog...and a place for me to put MY thoughts...I am going to say what I want to say and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Rant #1

What parents post on Facebook appalls me!

I mean SERIOUSLY!!!!

Yes, I said PARENTS. If you have kids....and are posting stuff that they may google your name someday when they are teenagers, and NOTHING ON THE INTERNET EVER GOES AWAY....do you really think what you posted...things you said....pictures you shared...will be OK FOR THEM TO SEE????

Rant #2

KIDS...what you post.....

Someday...your possible future employers will do a google search on you TOO. What you post may come back to bite you ...and bite you hard! I hear all the time:

" Its my personal facebook and I can say and do whatever I want"

Yep, it sure is....but guess what people.....there are consequences for the things you write. You might not have the foresight to see it now...but I guarantee you ...that someday...you might be sorry for the picture you posted...or what you vented when you were angry.


Rant #3

I am mad at MYSELF!!!

I get so pumped up about stuff...

Exercise...Yeah me. I run ...surpass my expectations....only to totally quit and eat so bad my weight comes back on.

My Doterra business...I come up with the most awesome ideas...I buy everything I need....I get all ready...then BOOM....I DO NOTHING! I STOP. I do not know why. But I hate this one thing about myself. I think its my thing I hate the most about myself.

My writing...I have to admit to myself...I am great with putting my thoughts into words that encourage others. Sometimes, the words flow so freely that I can't do anything but type. Then I look back and think " WOW"...where did that come from? But again....I start something...and don't keep up with it.

I HATE THIS THORN IN MY SIDE AND DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS !!!


I am a fixer.

I am great with fixing everyone else.

I can give encouragement and solutions to everyone else...but when it comes to this personal issue...I truly have no clue.

Someone might say, " well, just make a plan and stick to it".

LOL

Yep, tried that.

I wrote myself notes...to remind me to write...then I forget where I put those reminders.

I have prayed that God would help me find a solution to this issue because its hindering my success in all the areas of my life that I want to be successful with.

If anyone has ideas....let me know!

Rant over...FOR NOW LOL

Sometimes, I truly Hate the flaws I have.

INCONSISTENCY.

I think that is my thorn in my side.

It seems no matter what I do...whether it be exercise, my DoTerra Business, eating healthy, cleaning house...cooking...etc....I am never consistent.

I HATE THIS!

It frustrates me more than I can even express.

It has me to a point that I just want to scream because I know my life would be so different if I could just tackle this issue.

So...to all of you out there who DO NOT have this issue of inconsistency....whats your secret?

What if you have so many things that you need to be consistent with?

I need advice right now...

Time to get real

I am not sure why I have decided to do this.
But I believe its time...

Years ago, 37 years ago, give or take , my mom died of cancer.
But the pain and trauma and the scars that would change my life began before that day.

I can remember my mom telling me she was sick and going to die. I remember THAT very clearly. I can see where we were sitting, everything about that moment was so very clear to me. Its like its burned into my memory.

Also, I find it so strange that so many things about that time, and even years after, seem to be lost in my mind somewhere.

TRAUMA does much damage to our mind and emotions.

You would think that I would visit my mom often.

That I would go and want her to meet my kids and talk to her about whats going on in my life since I really didn't have anyone to do that with. My dad was absent...not always physically absent...but emotionally 100%.

When I was an adult, I married and we were away for over 20 years. When we DID come home, I rarely went to see her grave . I really have no idea why. And now, we have been back to the area almost 10 years  and I can count on ONE hand , yes ONE, how many times I've visited her.

I also notice when it comes to death, I am very numb to things.

That's why I believe its time.

Time to heal this damage done to my heart and soul.

Time to apologize to my mom for not visiting and talking with her.

Time to apologize to my kids for not telling them more about their grandmother. ( I don't remember much so its hard to talk about her)

Time to apologize to my dear friends who never knew her and I failed to keep her memory alive.

Its time to visit her regularly and start the healing process.....

Marriage is a journey

Yes, today is the day that I have been married for 29 years.

SO many thoughts and emotions come to mind today.

I've been with Mike now for over 30 years. But married 29.

Not many people make it this far. I can't say that we haven't had struggles. I've seen MANY struggles over those 29 years. I see others struggling and giving up and I say ANYTHING can be fixed if you truly desire it.

But it takes 2 people...2 very very dedicated people to make it work. One persons dedication is not enough. I couldn't do it with him and he couldn't do it without me. And of course, we couldn't do anything without God. God has been the center of our marriage almost the whole time. That is why I believe we are going strong.

No, its not perfect with roses and romantic calls or texts.

Yes, we frustrate each other almost daily.

Yes, we know each other so well that sometimes we need space to just be our own person because sometimes identities get mixed and we can easily lose our individuality.

Yes, we disagree about how to raise our kids sometimes .

Yes, sometimes I think he's too rough and he thinks I'm too soft.

Yes, sometimes he gets mad at me because I move things he doesn't want moved . Yes, I get mad because he leaves things out that I have to put away time and time again.

Does he do dishes? nah...but its because I've always done them. Or the kids will.

Does he take out the trash....nope.

And its just dawned on me why.

He served our country for 20 years in the Navy. During many many deployments, I had to do it all. I went from being this young, scared and frail young lady to being this independent strong woman who can do anything I set my mind to. Yep, I CAN and WILL do whatever my mind tells me I can. I was always the type of woman that took care of it all because he was away so often, I didn't want him to have to lift a finger when he came home. Now that he is retired, nothing has changed on my end. I still do it all because its what I've always done.

Even though he is retired from the military, he's by no means retired. He not only has a full time job that takes him away from home for sometimes 12 hours a day but he acquired his business degree WHILE working that full time job. We support each others dreams and sometimes its hard. Sometimes its VERY hard...and sometimes its so very easy.

That's OUR marriage. That's the way WE work.

Today I read a status on Facebook of someone who lost their husband last night suddenly. Left behind a wife and 2 girls.

NO ONE is guaranteed tomorrow. ABSOLUTELY no one.

A Happy and fulfilled marriage is promised to no one but if you took vows before God and made promises,,,then you owe it to yourself and your spouse to keep it.

Happy Anniversary Mike. Look at us! 5 children. 3 grandsons. Look at what we've accomplished together. Our 4 sons and our daughter just amaze me. They are so gorgeous, smart, gifted, independent, ...just incredible kids. My grandsons have such a huge piece of my heart,,,I cannot imagine it any other way. We did a good job so far. Mistakes? Sure....but what marriage doesn't have mistakes. Those mistakes helped us to be who we are today. Courage and adventure are one of the prime elements of what makes us who we are. Do we go on worldly adventures traveling the world...nah....but our marriage and raising our family has been an adventure of a lifetime so far and each day brings a new one.

I'm so glad I get to face each adventure with you.

Here's to the next one...and the next one...

Weakness

Today I started putting some scripture on post it notes and taking pictures of them to put into my daily app that I do to get my mind in a positive place every morning.

The first scripture I happened upon was 2 Corinthians 12:9.

My Grace is sufficient for you for My power is made perfect in weakness.

And I read over that a few times. 
Each time I tried to focus on different words but my mind kept coming back to the word WEAKNESS.

When you hear that word, everything about it makes me feel like its a bad word. A Negative word. 

BEING weak.

A weak foundation in a house.

Weak muscles.

a weak faith.

a weakened immune system.

ALL of those things above are not good. 



BUT



Gods power is made perfect in our weakness. Lets look at this a different way.

Gods power is made NOT PERFECT in our strength.

Then it dawned on me. 

I'm allowed to be weak!!!

That just gave me the ok I need to fail sometimes. I am always so hard on myself when I am less than perfect at what I am trying to do. It doesn't matter if its being a wife, or a mom or my business or exercise or my diet or being a good friend to someone. I always...ALWAYS feel like I fail at it because I am no perfect at it. 

That scripture just means that its ok. God's grace is sufficient (adequate)for me. His power is made perfect in my weakness!!


Let me just say THANK YOU LORD! 
Thank you for my weaknesses because it draws me closer to the One who made me. 

Be blessed everyone

Whats on your worried mind today?

We all worry.

Some more than others but we ALL worry.

Yesterday was one of those days that worry consumed me.

But I had tasks at hand and I knew that there were no room for distractions if I wanted to accomplish my set goal.

Today I opened up my Daily Bible App and my Jesus Calling book.

The Daily Bible App message was something that really touched me this morning.

We are God's handiwork.

We are created to do Good Works.


Have you ever created something? I mean as adults sometimes we forget that we were made to create.
Children love to create. They will cut up paper, and odds and ends and just put it together to make something they are so very proud of. They can't wait to show it to you. Your response to their creation really can change how they feel about themselves and their ability to create more. When adulthood happens, we get so busy with responsibilities that we lose sight of what we are created to do.

DO GOOD WORKS

Bless someone today. It just takes a minute. BE CREATIVE in your ways to do that.
Maybe you know your neighbor is having a hard time. Drop a handwritten note or card off to them. You don't have to stick around and talk. Just take a minute to show you care.

Take note of who you come in contact with each day.

I'm sure you will discover ways to put a smile on someones face today. Once you start to LOOK for ways to DO GOOD WORKS, more ideas will come. Funny how that works sometimes.

In my Jesus Calling Book it was all about worry.

In other words...

DON'T!!

God's got this.

(Not sure what is going on in YOUR life, but worry was a part of mine yesterday)

But even though I was worried, I still persevered and got my goals done for the day. (except my diet goal to restart lol. Hey, don't judge me!!) hahaha

Hope this blessed someone today!
I would love to hear your thoughts!

Days can be so very very hard.
You wake up and have NO idea what event or events that are going to happen today that may test your emotions and your patience.

One thing I have started is before I even move my feet out of my bed, I pick up my phone, and I do my Jesus Calling and my Daily Bible Quote.

Then I have pictures of my affirmations on my phone. I read through them. A few times.

Before my feet hit the floor I've started to prepare my heart and mind for whatever lies ahead.

Do I do it perfectly?

Nah, this is me? Remember??

I forget things.
I forget things alot!

But I do my best.

I am glad I remembered what I did today because today was a bad day for me.

But its almost time to settle myself down for the night.

Its a new day tomorrow.

New starts.

New choices.

New chances to add value to someones life.

What will YOU start your day off with tomorrow?

My INNER CIRCLE

One of the self development books I am reading currently is about Leadership. John Maxwell is an incredible, talented, spiritual author. I never expected to feel this way about his books. When it was suggested to me to read this book, I really thought it was going to be dry and boring. Boy, was I wrong!

But last night as I was reading the chapter on Inner Circle, I had to do some reflecting on who , at this point in my life, are the people in my inner circle. The people who have influence on me and I on them.

My husband Mike, is one. Spouses play dual roles sometimes with these kinds of things. Sometimes, his role in my inner circle is good(most of the time), but sometimes spouses will do something that makes you mad and you want to kick them OUT of that circle. HAHA. But he definitely is there. He is supportive, loving, talented and he's been my right hand man for over 30 years. There are also a few of my close friends that have special roles to play that are all very individualistic. They know who they are. Its like a part of my being is made up of these people. I feel they are woven into my DNA that make me who I am. I would not be "me" without them.

With that being said, I want to encourage all of you....EVERY SINGLE PERSON READING (not sure there are more than 2 or 3 of you lol) to read self development books. Its not just about network marketing or a business ....its about creating the best YOU that YOU can be.

Listen everyone! If you feel stuck where you are....you don't have to stay stuck.

You are definitely in control of where you are and what you are doing because God gave you a mind. God gave you a powerful mind. He created the brain with more power to "create" than you can even imagine. But the fuel you put into your mind will determine what is created.

Please , if you are reading this and don't know me personally, leave a comment for me. I would love to chat and explain more if you would like.

So, that's my take on the INNER CIRCLE!!

I sure do love mine!

Till next time everyone!

What a beautiful day!!!
I could easily spend all day on here writing why I'm just so happy but truthfully it would be so hard for those not going through this journey to understand. But maybe once you keep reading this you will begin to.

It really all started in August of last year. I had some serious health issues that left me feeling helpless.

Enter, DoTerra!

Exit Feelings of helplessness!!!!!

Then I just started using the oils as much as I could.

Then I realized by reading other facebook statuses and by friends around me telling me how they had so many health issues too, that they needed to know there was a natural route to go that will empower you to make more educated choices on the way you take care of yourself and your family.

So, my sharing oils journey began.

and here I am MONTHS later still sharing.

Part of this journey is about self development! Alot of you might ask , " How does oils have anything to do with reading books on personal growth".

EVERYTHING!!!!!

I couldn't even try to explain how working on your self really changes your outlook on everything.

My go to book has always been my Bible and as a Christian, it should! But I have learned that there is nothing wrong with other books to learn from as well. I feel such incredible change happening so fast that its almost like its not even me but I'm watching a movie of someone else ha.

That is why I have to start writing again here. I am welling up with so much excitement that it has to come out somewhere!

So to those who follow my writings...be prepared!

When something excites me during the day....I will probably write about it here.

 Its interesting how when I started " Nikki's Ramblings" almost 10 years ago I didn't realize how it will still fit my personality and writing style even today in 2016.

Stay Tuned everyone!!!

Deep thoughts

What does your Bible mean to you?

Is it just an old book that someone gifted to you that just sits on a shelf in a corner somewhere?
My paper bible sits on a shelf but I have another one as an app on my phone that I absolutely love.
I love that I can pick among many versions to read or plans or books or even devotionals that someone else put together. But my question I put out there, requires deeper personal questioning.

What.
Does.
YOUR.
Bible.
Mean
To.
You.

Do you even read it?

Do you know the overall message it has?

My first bible was given to me when I was very young. It was a Christmas gift to me from my mom and my dad and I still cherish it to this day. Its old King James Version so its a bit harder to read but my mom wrote many notes in it and I love to skim through it sometimes.

I need to do that with my own paper Bible.
So when I pass on someday...my kids will want to read my notes and cherish my thoughts like I do my own mom's scribbles.

An old memory of my bible was when I was young and I was very sick to my stomach. Even as a child only like 8 or so, I would get very anxious when I wasn't feeling well and I would shake from head to toe. I remember feeling like this and holding my bible against my heart and praying for God to stop my shaking and within minutes, it stopped. It was a big faith increasing moment for me as a child.

I don't cherish my bible as much as I should I hope for that to change this year. I plan to buy one just so I can make sure to put lots of notes in it to pass along to my children someday.

I hope this made you think a bit more about your own bible and I will pray that you will be prompted to go pick yours up, dust it off and read a bit today.

Till Next Time....

Distractions and Priorities

One of the hardest things for me to do is Let Go...of anything!
I mean, when I'm angry I am the first (usually) to apologize to the person I'm angry toward. I don't like fights or any kind of confrontation. When someone is upset with me, it drives me crazy...to no end. At least until the relationship problem is resolved and things are back to where I want them to be. But last year, something happened in my life that really threw me. I had a friendship that I had to let go of because she really wasn't a friend in the first place. I unfriended her on facebook but I kept " checking in " on her because I was hoping to see that she was sorry for what she did to me. I never saw anything that showed remorse of any kind. So, one thing I did 2016 was block her. I didn't do it so she couldn't see me, I did it so I couldn't see her anymore. I knew that I had to find a way to completely let go and that is what I did.

When I care about someone, I care about them for life. I'm a " lifer". That's who I am and sometimes its a terrible thing to be. But I am learning that sometimes, in order to be a more positive person for myself, my family, my friends and those I choose to be a " lifer" towards, then I have to let go of the things in my life that bring me down.

At our Wednesday evening Bible study, we talked a little about distractions in life that take our focus off of God. I mentioned even good things can be distractions. But only if we let them! Family and friends and fun things are all good things! But not if you put them over your relationship with the God who blessed you with them in the first place!

Take the time to thank God for all of the blessings in your life each day. I find my time to say thank you is right before I close my eyes at night. Its when I feel most connected to Him and I don't have the cares of my day to bog me down.

Find your time.

Make the time if you have to.

And let me end this saying Thank you to the ones in my life that choose to stick around with me.
You all know who you are.

Until next time!

Originality

So this was my very first blog back when I began many years ago. Last year I started a new one but because of closed doors that I chose to slam shut I have decided to go back to my original blog.

I also remembered why I chose to write in a blog.
Back when I was a teenager, which seems like another life time, I wrote the cheesiest poems about anything and everything. I even won my dad father of the year once because of a poem I submitted.
Now, I don't like to write poetry anymore but I do love to put my thoughts onto " paper " and share with others hoping to help someone who might need it.

So, since I titled this post Originality, I mean to say that I'm going back to my very first blog and keep it going.

Hope you all still will follow me and comment and let me know your thoughts on what I write cause it means the world to me.

So, Nikki's Ramblings is reborn.