What am I afraid of.

I am reading a book called Miracles Now by Gabrielle Bernstein.
Its 108 "supposedly" life changing tools for less stress and a happier life.

Today its about fear and facing fears. It asked me.." what is your biggest fear".

That made me have to seriously sit and think.

Cause what I THINK my biggest fear is...really might not be my biggest one.

I always thought my biggest fear was dying before my children were grown.

Now....I'm not so sure.

I think my biggest fear is being left.

When a door shuts to a relationship, it truly creates a desperate me. I mean, I can't let go of it.

I'm not talking about a relationship like marriage because I've been with the same person for 30 years now. But I've had friendship end and it was over something I had no control over. Heck, I even sought people out trying to apologize even when I didn't do anything wrong.

I still do that and its soooo annoying!

Part of me says that maybe God is shutting that door for me.

Part of me says that I need to seek and love them like God would love them.

I've lost so many people in my life and I need to give it to God and let go and TAKE my happiness back. When I let people's choices control my emotions and my life, I give way too much control over to them. They don't deserve to take my happiness away from me.

WOW...

I just imagined something.

I just imagined each person that walked out of my life...

I saw them taking a piece of my joy and happiness away with them.

It was wrapped up in pretty ribbons and the person(s) were so happy to have that gift.

Here I was left with pieces of my heart and soul missing.

What a terrible picture!

The truth about that is....I GAVE them this gift. They didn't take it. Happiness is MINE. When I allow people to take it away from me, thats my own fault.

No more...

I'm taking my happy back.

Starting now.

My words either lift or tear down

Today I choose words to lift myself and others up.

Yes, its a choice.

Do we sometimes just say things and wish we hadn't?

We all do it sometimes.

But that's not because we can't help what we say. We all have self control but some of us need to practice it more in able to get good at it.

Self control is a bit like a sport. It takes practice and practice and MORE practice to get good at it.

Today, try to be  mindful of the things you say.

Not just to others...but what your " self talk" is. Self talk is the little whispers sometimes that creeps into your brain. If its ANY way negative...change it to be something positive. Your brain is like a computer. It CAN be programmed to think great things. But it takes self control to recognize what you are saying and thinking first.

Today...make a choice to be positive.

If you are in a bad situation that you don't have control over...then do SOMETHING, to work towards making it better.

Later!!