Sad realization.....

As my husband was talking about how to decorate a room we are redoing into a Study/Office...He brought out all these awards and certificates from his years in his career in the Navy.

Each one he brought out...just brought more tears to my eyes.

Why?

Because I spend MY career mostly as a in home daycare provider (no paper awards for that) and also as a mom who chose to Homeschool her children .

I have nothing on the walls ...or on the bookshelves...for recognition.

Does recognition mean something...

To some it does. Right now, I wish I had something ....

To see all of those certificates and awards...signed by presidents...

Maps of all the places he's ever been....

What do I have...
What have I accomplished...

Yeah yeah yeah...I know.

What I've done in my almost 30 years of marriage and 29 years of being a mom...is more than just certificates and awards.

I can look at my kids and they are my walking, talking awards!

The way they treat each other and how they care for their friends and family...That shows the teaching and hours and hours of love I poured into them.

There is no award for being awake for days , caring for them when they were sick.

No award when your heart is broken because someone or something hurt them greatly.

No award for when they finally learned something that they had been struggling with in their schooling.

Yes, his awards and certificates are mine as well because I was the one home, being the supportive person, taking care of the kids and family and he trusted in me so he can do his work and get the awards he has to show. So really, those are mine as well but its HIS name on them. Sometimes, the supportive person in the background can be forgotten about.

As I write this...I have tears flowing from my eyes.

If I could do things differently, I would have written my own awards.

And kept them for reminders of what I've accomplished.

An Award, " You survived your first all nighter with "said child".

"the Love award goes to Nikki Vilano for when your child told you for the first time on their own I LOVE YOU MOMMY".

I wish I would have done that. But, I never thought of it.

Well, at least I feel better now. I needed to get this out.

I must remember, those awards may have his name on them but he couldn't have done it so well without the support of me and his kids at home. No matter what those papers say...God knows what I've done in my life and those pieces of paper someday with be nothing. How I've raised my children and the impact they have on this world...THAT is what truly matters.

Its not that hard once you get started

Whatever you want to do in life and you are taking the steps to do them....its not hard once you get started. 

For me, half the battle is STARTING! 

Now, I can't wait to do it.

What I'm talking about is exercise! Yesterday was 30 minutes on the treadmill. I managed a mile in 15 minutes which ..isn't the best time for an experienced runner but its something to start with for me. 

I have to commit to this daily. I'll be getting back to my beachbody workouts again soon too. I love the healthier lifestyle I'm committing too. Between the eating, the exercise and my essential oils...I will be having the best year of my life!

What things do I look forward to this year...hitting my wellness goals?

Well lets define those goals first.

By the time I hit 50, Dec 3rd, I want to hit my goal weight of 145.

I want to run the two 5k races in my town and best my own time!

I want to have the energy to be able to do TAEKWONDO with Sergio.

They are all very attainable goals.

So, one day at a time....

Why is exercising so difficult to start

This has been on my mind lately. Here I am ...doing good on my daily tasks etc EXCEPT for exercise.

I have everything I need at my fingertips but haven't stepped onto that treadmill once in months.

My daughter, who really has never been one to exercise has been at the gym for 3 days in a row. Even after working a long shift and she's tired. She JUMPS at the chance to go.

And here I am...doing nothing but THINKING about it.

Here I am beating myself up because I'm THINKING and not DOING.

I guess what I need to do is just DO it.

Get my butt on that treadmill...no thinking....just push the button and GO. I will thank myself later if that is the habit I create every day.

That will create a strong healthy heart.

My mood will increase because of the endorphines created.

I will be healthier because the exercise will move this stagnant blood through the veins and exercise also helps strengthen the immune system.

I will look and feel better!

If I KNOW all of this...why aren't I doing any of it.

I guess it goes back to the over thinking things part.

Today...I will get on that treadmill and work for 30 minutes. Doesn't matter if I'm walking or running. I will stay on there for 30 minutes and pat myself on the back when I am finished!

Feeling positive.

I LOVE changing fonts and colors when I write. That's one reason I like to type instead of writing things out on paper. Paper writing takes to long anyway !

I don't have one specific topic on my mind today so I'm just going to write about how the past few days have gone.

I am happy!

My healthy eating has been good. (so far)

Been writing daily on here just like I had planned.

Each day I take at least ONE little step to not only get rid of the clutter in  my home, but in my mind as well.

Haven't gotten to run yet. Planned to today but can't run when I have kids here. 

I keep a list of the things that I manage to accomplish each day because I tend to forget the good I did and end up thinking, " My my my....did I even do anything good today toward my goals"

That leads to negative thoughts and emotions and that is part of the clutter I need to get rid of.

Today, is my " tackle laundry day". I guess I'm a bit forced to do that cause we are out of clean socks hahaha.

Have a great day everyone!

Another day of small habits

It really takes a lot of effort to love ones self.

It has to be intentional. I've gone most of my whole life just flying by the seat of my pants because no one taught me that small intentional habits are an important part of your life and daily structure.

Here I am, going to be 50 years old and I'm JUST now learning this.

I've always just woken up and went by some sort of to do list. Sometimes I would finish it , sometimes I wouldn't. Then the next day, no matter how much I wanted to go by that to do list again, sometimes I would forget because it wasn't a habit to do so.

Creating this new way of life isn't easy. That's why reading this book about creating SMALL itty bitty habits is so important to follow.

This will not be an easy process for me and that is why its important for me to concentrate on this every single day. I won't become the kind of person I need to be, the kind of person, I believe, God wants me to be. 

I believe discipline is good. It should be a part of a Christians life. I believe Jesus was disciplined. That is why , as a Christian, I need to be like Jesus. 

So , these habits I am creating are very important to me. 

Have I failed before when I've tried to do this?

Yes.

Am I terrified of failing again?

YES.

But there is no progress without failing in life. Failures are not always a bad thing. Sometimes they bring about the greatest victories.

One day at a time....

Today I'm better than I was yesterday

Hello!! Did I solve the worlds problems today?

Nope!

Did I cure cancer?

Nah!

BUT,...

What I DID do was better my home and better myself more than I was yesterday.

I read a couple pages in a book I want to finish about creating mini habits.

I cleaned out a cupboard in my kitchen that was cluttered yesterday. I also cleaned out two drawers in my dresser that were a mess. It was sorta depressing because they were the drawers of my pajamas and MOST of the items I pulled out don't fit. But that's ok because I KNOW , that doing these LITTLE steps each and every day means eventually they WILL fit and my drawers will be nice and neat. *This happened even though I am suffering though this stomach virus. So, I accomplished the goal and then laid back down :)

My goal each day is to clean out just ONE thing. Make ONE thing in my home better than it was yesterday. That doesn't mean " Today I'm going to clean out my basement". HAHAH. that's funny! No, it means one thing each and every day and my basement will eventually be clean and organized.

I feel good about myself today.

I feel better about myself today, than I did about myself yesterday.

I say that's a WIN in my book.

2017 is all about me

WOW, just writing the title of my article today made me hesitate. Almost nothing I do is just for me. BUT, I think its about time this year be the year to change that. 

Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean Nikki will become a self centered person only taking care of her own needs and forgetting about others. 

That's not what I mean at all.

I haven't loved myself in such a long time. 

And years of self abuse have taken its toll on me.

If you hold back love from people around you, its considered neglect and its very damaging. We were created to love. We need love. People need attention. We weren't meant to be alone. 

Well, I haven't given myself the attention that makes me healthy. 

THAT is what I mean.

THAT is what I plan to change this year.

You can say its because this coming December I will turn 50 years old. 

I can give any reason I want to ....but as long as I just take the time daily to love ME, it doesn't matter the reasons I give.

Just as long as I take the steps each and every single day to love myself the way I deserve to be loved.

And its started today.

I can't stand disorganization or clutter. It truly makes me uneasy.

So, today to show myself love, I started getting rid of it. I started by cleaning just a few of my kitchen drawers. I said to myself I would get rid of just ONE kroger bag of junk daily. Its not hard to fill up just ONE. So, there are no excuses. 

I plan to write daily here too so that I can keep track of my progress this year. We are sometimes so hard on ourselves with our progress because we focus on our failures and FORGET how far we have come and the positives we've accomplished on the journey. Writing daily here will change that also. This is for ME. I share this blog on facebook only that maybe someone else out there might be going through the same thing as me and need some encouragement. 

Loving myself has to be done. Its holding me back from being healthy, looking the way that "I" want to look, attaining the goals in my business, being able to cook the way I want to cook, or take care of the relationships with people close to me etc. 

So, It has already began because today, I did the Kroger bag fill up and throw out. I chose to not eat the big unhealthy breakfast others ate. I've written this article which I also told myself is one of my daily goals. 

Its about daily steps. 

New Habits.

New Nikki.

New Beginnings...