What am I afraid of.

I am reading a book called Miracles Now by Gabrielle Bernstein.
Its 108 "supposedly" life changing tools for less stress and a happier life.

Today its about fear and facing fears. It asked me.." what is your biggest fear".

That made me have to seriously sit and think.

Cause what I THINK my biggest fear is...really might not be my biggest one.

I always thought my biggest fear was dying before my children were grown.

Now....I'm not so sure.

I think my biggest fear is being left.

When a door shuts to a relationship, it truly creates a desperate me. I mean, I can't let go of it.

I'm not talking about a relationship like marriage because I've been with the same person for 30 years now. But I've had friendship end and it was over something I had no control over. Heck, I even sought people out trying to apologize even when I didn't do anything wrong.

I still do that and its soooo annoying!

Part of me says that maybe God is shutting that door for me.

Part of me says that I need to seek and love them like God would love them.

I've lost so many people in my life and I need to give it to God and let go and TAKE my happiness back. When I let people's choices control my emotions and my life, I give way too much control over to them. They don't deserve to take my happiness away from me.

WOW...

I just imagined something.

I just imagined each person that walked out of my life...

I saw them taking a piece of my joy and happiness away with them.

It was wrapped up in pretty ribbons and the person(s) were so happy to have that gift.

Here I was left with pieces of my heart and soul missing.

What a terrible picture!

The truth about that is....I GAVE them this gift. They didn't take it. Happiness is MINE. When I allow people to take it away from me, thats my own fault.

No more...

I'm taking my happy back.

Starting now.