Almost March???!!!!

Wow. I actually took a look at a calendar today and realized its almost March???!!! This is the only time I can remember during a deployment that time flew by so quickly!! I am sooo very thankful for that because I need Mike home so badly. Those of you "outside" the military life might not really understand what its like.

I try not to burden anyone with the daily troubles and things I go thru alone. But imagine single parenting for about 10 months out of 12. Now, that is parenting 4 kids, trying to console them during a very difficult move, realizing 2 days before moving that you don't have a house to live in and having to find a house in ONE day....making a move without help from husband, dealing with the stress and issues of your children who are going thru difficult times too but don't know how to talk about what is bothering them.

Sometimes I feel like I've got a good handle on things and sometimes, when no one is looking, I hide out in my room and just cry. You see, I'm not like alot of military wives so say they actually do better when their husband is gone out to sea. Our lives at home are turned upside down.

Mike is my best friend and without him, I'm nothing. Without my kids , I'm nothing. You see, my Christian life and my family are everything to me. I take on the burden of worrying about how my husband is dealing with things being away from family and spiritual things for such a long period of time. Those of you who have to work "in the world" have to hear and see things that -spiritually- can be hard sometimes. But you still have a chance 3 times a week to be able to get with fellow Christians and get edified . Mike does not. There is no "church of Christ" service on that ship . I don't think there is even someone from the church on there. THere are some denominational services I think. I believe the chapline has to have a service that tries to meet the needs of EVERY religion. Imagine the harm in that?

But its almost done. Days like today, I don't feel like I've got it together at all. Over the past couple of days, I've felt like everything around me is falling apart. I know its not. I know its not as bad as it seems. But once in a while, I just have a couple of bad days. I'm trying to keep myself busy. I tend to do the oppositite of what I need to do lol. Instead of being around people who can hug me and tell me they care, I tend to hide. Days like today, I feel if I'm around too many people, I might just cry because of everything I'm going thru. I couldn't even begin to explain it all. Its just overwhelming sometimes how much it hurts to do this all by myself.

I write this not for pity, or sympathy...but for you to understand.
Yes, I know that God is with me. WIthout Him, I wouldn't have made it past day one. He has given me the strength minute to minute to get thru what I need to. He has picked me up so many times when I've fallen on my face. He has kept my path straight and guided me when I reached a fork in the road. There is a song that I love to listen to but I cry each time I hear it.
Its called Part the Waters, Lord.

Here are the words.

(chorus)
When I think I'm going under, Part the Waters Lord
When I feel the waves around me, Calm the sea.
When I call for help, Oh hear me lord, and hold out your hand,
Touch my life, still the raging storm in me.

Knowing you love me
Thru the burdens I must bear
Hearing your footsteps
Lets me know I'm in your care
And in the night of my life, you bring the promise of day,
Here is my hand, show me the way.

(chorus) above

Knowing you love me
Helps me face another day
Hearing your footsteps
Drives the clouds and fears away
And in the night of my life, you bring the promise of day
Here is my hand, show me the way.

That song describes the past couple of days for me.
Its beautiful....
Be Blessed
Nikki