How to transition to home life from ship life ..(a good laugh here)

Got this in an email from a friend. How a Navy guy can transition being home from being onboard ship....Interesting thoughts :)

Warning to the Family of a Returning Sailor.
You will soon have your loved one home again. He has been living in an extremely crude environment for quite some time and will require time to adjust to his former lifestyle.
The key to help him through this difficulty is PATIENCE.
Remain calm if he mixes his mashed potatoes with his chocolate pudding, stirs his coffee with his finger, or eats as though someone was going to steal his food.
Bear with him if he walks out to the back patio and throws the trash over the railing into the backyard.
Do no be alarmed when he walks through a door and ducks his head and raises his feet, because it's not a neurotic condition. It's just the way he has been walking for the past 6 months.
Show no surprise if he accusses the grocer of being a thief, argues with the sales clerk about the price of each item, or tries to sell cigarettes to the new boy on the sly.
Most important of all: His digective track will also require some adjustment.For the first week, all vegetables must be boiled until they are colorless and falling apart (after they have been sitting out in the hot sun for at least a week prior to his getting home).
Eggs must be tinged with a shade of green and be runny, bacon nearly raw and all other meats must be extremely well done.
Have beef for the first five or six days, calling it roast beef the first night, braised beef the second, beef tips the third, beef stew the fourth, etc.
If milk is served it should be a room tempature and slightly dilluted with water.
If he prefers to eat his meals while sitting next to the trash can, don't be concerned.
He's grow used to the smell that it may take a while for normal tastes to return.
In the evenings, turn off all air-conditioning, open all windows and let in as many bugs as possible.
Let him sleep on the floor in the laundry room with the dirty clothes because he's so used to the smell.
For the first few nights, wake him every three or four hours. Tell him he's late for the night watch in the backyard.
He'll understand because he's been doing something just as stupid for the past six months. Under no circumstances should he be allowed to get a complete nights sleep during this critical adjustment time.
His daily routine may seem strange to you, especially when he wakes everyone up at six in the morning screaming "Reville, Reville, all hands heave out and trice up!"
Just smile and nod and make sure everyone is up and on the back porch at seven for muster, instruction, and inspection.
Then, in the late afternoon, humor him when he walks around the house closing all the windows and doors and reports to you that yoke is set throughout the house.
His language may seem foreign and you may not understand all the terms he uses. It isn't necessary that you do. Just smile and be pleasant.
Some of the terms you may hear are: Turn-to, Sweepers-Sweepers, Men working aloft, This is a drill, Wog, beer-thrifty, etc.
Do not be surprised when he answers the phone and instead of saying "Hello" he says: the room he's in, his rank, and name. For example, Living room (you fill in the blank) this is a non-secured line subject to monitoring, how may I help you Sir?
NEVER make favorable references to the NAVY leadership structure.
To do so will almost always illicit an extremely loud outburst which may continue for hours.
The bathroom is quite possibly the most dangerous place in the house for your USS __________ returnee.
Before he arrives, strip the bathroom of all accessories such as, bathmats, and any and all toiletry items.
Crack the mirror and run water on the floor. Toilet paper is optional, but if it is furnished, it must be placed in a puddle on the floor.
Turn off the hot water at the source for the first few days. Wait unil he is in the shower, soaped up and then turn the water off altogether for about 15 minutes.
All of these precautions are imperative, because if he walks into a bathroom which is complete with all the above mentioned items, he may shrink into a corner and curl up into the fetal position, wide-eyed and shaking.
If this happens there are only two proven and accepted methods of snapping him out of it; yell "Mail-Call or Liberty-Call." In either case, stay clear of the doorway. In closing, always remember that beneath that suntanned shell there beats a heart of gold, it being the only thing the Navy couldn't confiscate or reschedule at a later date. With kindness, patience, and the occasional swift kick, your loved one will soon return to his former self .